She's a Gift not a Miracle

I always thought that my first born (daughter) was a miracle from the Gods.

We were both students and fell in love so we decided to get married. We were struggling so we decided
that my wife would be on birth control for four years, in which time we thought we would be in a better
position to raise a child. In case if you are wondering, it’s the pills.

Three months into our marriage I recognized that something was wrong with my wife.

She was throwing up, and always tired. Though she slept, it seemed as if she never had enough.
We agreed that she would go and see the doctor.

The doctor said, “You are pregnant!” We were confused. How can this be? Did-the birth control didn’t
work? Why are we having a child now? These were questions that went through my head.

It was a miracle. Maybe the Gods didn’t agree with our plan after all. We were meant to be parents now!
At least that’s what my wife said.

We even told our friends and families about how our miracle baby came along.

A few months later, my wife and I were talking and the miracle baby came up. “Did you always take your
pills everyday like how you were supposed to or was the baby really a miracle?”, I asked.

Eventually, the answer was, “I didn’t. There were some days that I forgot.”

This new revelation broke me. For years, I would hide my true feelings and like all good husbands, I
buried my sorrow and pretend that everything is well.

It wasn’t long before it caught up to me. Our marriage was in danger. We started drifting apart. My love
for her grew colder and colder as the days past.

How can she do this to me? We had an agreement! She has robbed me of these years! My life plans is
ruined all because she wanted a baby!

These were my thoughts everyday. I value trust. Since she has lost mine, I didn’t find her attractive
anymore.

But funny thing was, I can’t seem to leave her. I just can’t picture my life without her. I guess, this is
because of how I met her but that’s a story for another time!

Eventually, our marriage came to a crush and we were at the verge of making a decision whether to
separate or stay together.

We decided to sleep on it.

The next day came and we agreed to stay married. That was the day that I finally became a man!
I opened up and told my wife how I’ve been feeling these years and when it started.

I was faced with a decision. What do I do now? Do I accept that this is now my life or do I leave and
continue on my own?

This is the time that you really have to sit back and really consider what is important in life. I did that for
myself and if you’d like, try it for yourself too.

I asked myself questions like:

“I know I’m angry now but will I still be mad at her if we’re divorced and she’s no longer around?
What did this woman have that I fell in love with? Is it still there? Will I really be happy if we get divorced?”

I decided to stay. I finally decided to stop being a father and be a dad instead! To stop being a husband
and be a soulmate instead.

For years I have been blinded to the truth. I have blamed my wife and lived in a deep ocean of sorrow.

I was right about one thing though. My daughter wasn’t a miracle. She… instead, was a gift from the
Gods. My daughter saved me from that ocean I drowned in.

So I changed my point of view…

Was it an easy change to make? No.

Did it happened overnight? No.

Am I living the life that I’ve planned all those years ago? No.

Is it worth it? Yes! Yes it it! I have wasted so many years in self-pity that I didn’t realize the only thing
holding me back from my dreams was me. My focus was distracted by some finger pointing game I
created in my head.

So what’s different now?

I look at my family different. Because I forgave my wife, I love her everyday as if it’s the first day we met.
I love my daughter now. Instead of looking at her as a burden, I see her as a blessing.

Instead of being on my phone and doing other things when I get back from work. I play with my daughter
now. We chase each other. We sing silly songs together. We read books. I’ve missed a few years but I
vow not to miss another minute again.

I still have a long way to go and I’m learning along the way. I’m not the perfect husband or dad but I’m
trying hard as best I can.

I’m grateful for what happened because it has strengthened me. I still have my faults but I guess that’s
part of being a family. All I can do now is keep moving forward and hope for a better tomorrow by trying
hard today.